FAQ and Wedding Ceremony Stories
Selecting the right officiant for your wedding day is very important. A wedding that has a budget in the thousands of dollars can be less than ideal by having someone officiate that does not have the proper experience. There are a lot of great people out there from which to choose. One extra thing that I can provide is my wedding planning experience and doing my best to foresee issues that may come up. Some recent examples are listed below.
Having worked with just about every professional wedding planner in Monterey County, they always have a preference for a professional officiant. As they are organizing everything about your wedding day, they know that they will not need to provide special instructions to a friend or family member on the details of the ceremony (when to walk in, where to stand, when to make announcements etc...) The time they spend coaching a friend or family officiant, is less time they have towards the other details of your wedding.
When it comes to other aspects of your wedding, would you consider hiring a friend that enjoys photography to shoot your wedding or someone that likes to bake, to make your wedding cake? Personally, I asked a relative who enjoyed making videos to do the videography for my own wedding and ended up with no ceremony footage (with the exception of shots of the pavement - long story).
For additional food for thought on not having clergy or a professional wedding officiant, please read these articles:
- https://www.huffpost.com/entry/why-not-to-have-a-friend_n_3860883
- https://www.brides.com/story/couples-regret-friend-officiate-wedding
- http://iapwo.org/articles/why-hire-a-professional-officiant/
- http://www.celebrateintimateweddings.com/nothanks.html
Now, I am not saying that you should not have your friend officiate your wedding, but it is best to have as much information as possible and obtain any assistance you might need.
Stories:
- I arrived to the wedding about 25 minutes prior to the official start time. I noticed that the microphone for the guest readings was placed in an area that would block off the bridesmaids from standing in the location we practiced during the rehearsal (I moved it along with the DJ). The best man had forgotten the rings back in the hotel room (on site). The wedding license (needed to be seen prior to the ceremony) had also been left behind in a hotel room. Both of these items were retrieved with plenty of time to spare. One of the guest reading, forgot their poem (I always have a copy with me and was able to hand it to her during the ceremony).
- For a sand ceremony, the table for this was placed behind the arch and the venue had provided me with a microphone (and stand) that was just in front of the wedding arch. I knew if the ceremony table remained there, none of the guest would be able to see the bride and groom (I would be directly in front of them as that microphone that was cabled could not be moved). Before the ceremony began (and after asking permission from the groom), I moved the table to a better location.
- During one ceremony, the couple had decided to not have a wedding rehearsal (although it was a 100 person wedding with bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girl and ring bearer) — which is fine, but I arrived early to make sure I understood how the processional was going to unfold. The best man did not have the rings and he did not know where they were — even as the bride started her long walk towards the aisle. I was able to find them (long story). In a couple of other cases, when I checked with the best man, rings have been left in hotel rooms, cars etc…. I always try to make sure everything will run smoothly.
- As the officiant, I arrived to a wedding venue where I would preside over a wedding with about 70 guests. When I arrived, I met with the groom who asked me if I had seen the hotel's wedding coordinator. With everyone I touched base with (DJ, bride, bridal party, photographer, videographer), no one had seen her or even knew who she was. In the end, as the officiant, I ended up getting everyone lined up for the processional, queued the DJ when to play the music (by the way, both of his microphones failed so he instructed me to project my voice to 70 guests with waves crashing behind me), found a missing groomsman and mother of the bride, calmed the nerves of the bride (she was upset with the groom), got all of the guests seated, and found out where they were going after the ceremony. This similar scenario has only happened a few times in ten years, but it was good that they had a professional officiant who cared enough to make sure the wedding went on without a hitch (without the hotel coordinator -- who I later found chatting with one of the bartenders at the cocktail reception).
- A client had requested a unity candle ceremony in an area that I knew could be quite windy. I recommended during the rehearsal that they use a special vase over the candles which would help protect the flames from blowing out. I had also recommended using a wind proof lighter (but they had really wanted to use some long burning matches they had purchased instead). During the unity candle ceremony, they could not get the matches to light. After two attempts I handed them the lighter I had in my jacket pocket (I thought it would be a good idea to bring it just in case).
- At a wedding ceremony, when the DJ playing the recessional and processional music could not get his equipment to work, I was able to offer a portable player I had in my car (I don’t always carry it with me but I was unfamiliar with their DJ vendor so I brought it just in case).
- For a small wedding along the coast, the bride had decided to do a sand ceremony at the last minute - but had not mentioned it to me. In fact, I found out when the father of the bride brought out 3 vases with different colored sands about 15 minutes prior to the wedding. After making sure the plan was to do a sand ceremony, I found a quiet spot and wrote a sand ceremony for the couple with their child and was able to introduce it into the overall ceremony without any hesitation in the overall flow.
- A couple had decided to read their owns to each other after the traditional “I Do” vows. The groom forgot his but I had a copy that I was able to provide to him.
- At one wedding, we were running behind by about 20 minutes because the brides uncle, who was escorting her down the aisle, was very lost. The bride asked me to call him on his cell and provide turn by turn directions until he arrived (he got there safe and sound!). Another good reason to hire a local officiant for a local wedding (knowledge of the venues, vendors and directions).
- During a recessional, the flower girl (age 5) didn’t know what to do and seemed sad so I took her hand and we walked down the aisle together : )
- During a recent ceremony that had a sand ceremony, I noticed that there was a table for the sand ceremony – but no vases or sand! The wedding planner mentioned we were going to start but I was able to delay the wedding by just a few minutes and the planner and I found the kit and set it up (otherwise, we would have come to an important part of the wedding ceremony and had to skip over it)
- At a wedding at a local golf course, the wedding planner did not show up so I took charge and got all of the guests seated, the groomsmen lined up front and calmed the nerves of the bride (and her father) and had them lined up and coordinated with the music preplanned with the DJ. Everything went off perfectly!
- At a beach wedding, two pedestals had been set up with huge flower vases. Just minutes before everyone was to be lined up for the processional, I realized that there were no flowers! I asked around and found out that the maid of honor was in charge of this task. I found her (she was a bit nervous and was sitting in the front row) and we went to her car together to get the flowers (and the brides bouquet). The two of us arranged the flowers and I got the bouquet to the bride who was waiting in the limo. They looked beautiful!
- Wedding can sometimes be stressful and as a planner / officiant, you need to remain calm no matter the circumstances. Just before a wedding began, I was asked to come to the front row because a member of the family had a medical, perhaps life threatening, emergency. Although I am not a doctor, I was able to calmly assess the situation, had someone call 911 and found two medical specialist (guests) who were better able to make a diagnosis. Thank goodness, the elderly gentleman was okay and based on the wishes of the bride and groom, the wedding continued.
- During an elopement ceremony for a couple with small children (note from the client):
We originally booked with a different agency and well long story short they were unprofessional, I cancelled with them and found Weddings in Monterey, Brian was quick to get back to me, answer all of my questions, he's very kind and very professional. The day of the ceremony he was there early and very nicely dressed and clean cut, the bamboo arch was set up beautifully and my bouquet was exactly what I wanted. When it was time for the photographer to get pictures of just me and my husband my kids were not cooperating (I have a 6yr old and a 2yr old) Brian stayed and played with them so that we can take pictures, that was very sweet of him to do, I highly recommend him! Everything went so perfect.
- For a beach wedding, the wedding planner had brought a microphone for me to use. While testing it, I noticed that it kept going in and out (faulty cord) and that with the wind passing through the microphone, it was better to "strike" the sound system. I was able to project to a group of 80 people on the beach and just 20 feet from the surf. A guest from the last row of chairs came up to me afterwards to thank me for speaking loudly and clearly.
- A wedding at a beautiful, historic place in Monterey, had a four post bamboo arch and decorated with flowers and beautiful draping. I always stand up at the altar long before the wedding begins to make sure everything feels comfortable and looks right. In this case, there were vines hanging down (which would have been in front of the bride and grooms faces) and the drape extended down the middle by several feet (for photography, all of the photos would have had what appeared to be a headless officiant). With the help of the staff, we fixed these issues to make sure the ceremony photos would look just right.
- A couple had hired our wedding company to set up the ceremony and they decided to use their family member to officiate. Just a few days prior to the wedding, their officiant decided he didn't want to do the ceremony after all (nerves), but I was able to put together their ceremony and conduct the wedding. During the first 6 months of 2018, I have had 3 couples hire me last minute due to family members / friends not being able to officiate after all.
- A day of wedding planner was hired for a small wedding at a scenic location on the Monterey Peninsula. When I showed up, the groom mentioned that the planner had not shown up. I stepped in (I arrived about 45 minutes prior) and advised the set up team of how / where to set up the arch and chairs, got the guests seated, spoke with the musician on timing and got everyone lined up for the processional (the planner had an emergency and did make it about 5 minutes prior to the scheduled ceremony time). Everyone was relaxed, happy and we had a wonderful wedding : )
- There is almost no better illustration for having a professional wedding officiant than a wedding that took place at a winery. (1) The DJ was a no show until 5 minutes before the ceremony (2) I always triple check the pronunciation of names before the ceremony and three different people told me to pronounce the grooms name three different ways (3) the groom was in tears before and during the ceremony (4) one of the bridesmaids was also emotional and started shouting in short bursts during the wedding (5) a request for a change in the ceremony was made....3 minutes before the processional began (6) the rings were triple knotted onto the ring pillow and (7) during a ritual that included the participation of one of the guests, he went missing. Despite all of these "hiccups," everything went smoothly and the couple and their guests were very happy : )
- I showed up early to a wedding ceremony at a local park with a custom written ceremony. I always go up to the altar area to envision what it will be like when the wedding is taking place and to make sure there is proper spacing between me, the couple and the front row of chairs. I noticed that (1) where the arch was set up and the couple would need to stand, their feet would be literally on top of the guests in the front row and (2) there was a table with white linen to the left of the arch. I moved the front row of chairs to the back row (creating more space), and asked the groom what they table was for. They had decided the night before to add a sand ceremony -- but didn't tell me. I sat in the front row and from memory, wrote out an entire sand ceremony and then found their kit and set it up for them.
These are just a few examples. Weddings are meant to be a celebration and sometimes things will go wrong. What is most important is that you are professing your love to each other and sharing that love with your guests. One of my jobs is to provide you with a beautiful ceremony, and to minimize any small mishaps that may take place (and keep you stress free).
Having worked with just about every professional wedding planner in Monterey County, they always have a preference for a professional officiant. As they are organizing everything about your wedding day, they know that they will not need to provide special instructions to a friend or family member on the details of the ceremony (when to walk in, where to stand, when to make announcements etc...) The time they spend coaching a friend or family officiant, is less time they have towards the other details of your wedding.
When it comes to other aspects of your wedding, would you consider hiring a friend that enjoys photography to shoot your wedding or someone that likes to bake, to make your wedding cake? Personally, I asked a relative who enjoyed making videos to do the videography for my own wedding and ended up with no ceremony footage (with the exception of shots of the pavement - long story).
For additional food for thought on not having clergy or a professional wedding officiant, please read these articles:
- https://www.huffpost.com/entry/why-not-to-have-a-friend_n_3860883
- https://www.brides.com/story/couples-regret-friend-officiate-wedding
- http://iapwo.org/articles/why-hire-a-professional-officiant/
- http://www.celebrateintimateweddings.com/nothanks.html
Now, I am not saying that you should not have your friend officiate your wedding, but it is best to have as much information as possible and obtain any assistance you might need.
Stories:
- I arrived to the wedding about 25 minutes prior to the official start time. I noticed that the microphone for the guest readings was placed in an area that would block off the bridesmaids from standing in the location we practiced during the rehearsal (I moved it along with the DJ). The best man had forgotten the rings back in the hotel room (on site). The wedding license (needed to be seen prior to the ceremony) had also been left behind in a hotel room. Both of these items were retrieved with plenty of time to spare. One of the guest reading, forgot their poem (I always have a copy with me and was able to hand it to her during the ceremony).
- For a sand ceremony, the table for this was placed behind the arch and the venue had provided me with a microphone (and stand) that was just in front of the wedding arch. I knew if the ceremony table remained there, none of the guest would be able to see the bride and groom (I would be directly in front of them as that microphone that was cabled could not be moved). Before the ceremony began (and after asking permission from the groom), I moved the table to a better location.
- During one ceremony, the couple had decided to not have a wedding rehearsal (although it was a 100 person wedding with bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girl and ring bearer) — which is fine, but I arrived early to make sure I understood how the processional was going to unfold. The best man did not have the rings and he did not know where they were — even as the bride started her long walk towards the aisle. I was able to find them (long story). In a couple of other cases, when I checked with the best man, rings have been left in hotel rooms, cars etc…. I always try to make sure everything will run smoothly.
- As the officiant, I arrived to a wedding venue where I would preside over a wedding with about 70 guests. When I arrived, I met with the groom who asked me if I had seen the hotel's wedding coordinator. With everyone I touched base with (DJ, bride, bridal party, photographer, videographer), no one had seen her or even knew who she was. In the end, as the officiant, I ended up getting everyone lined up for the processional, queued the DJ when to play the music (by the way, both of his microphones failed so he instructed me to project my voice to 70 guests with waves crashing behind me), found a missing groomsman and mother of the bride, calmed the nerves of the bride (she was upset with the groom), got all of the guests seated, and found out where they were going after the ceremony. This similar scenario has only happened a few times in ten years, but it was good that they had a professional officiant who cared enough to make sure the wedding went on without a hitch (without the hotel coordinator -- who I later found chatting with one of the bartenders at the cocktail reception).
- A client had requested a unity candle ceremony in an area that I knew could be quite windy. I recommended during the rehearsal that they use a special vase over the candles which would help protect the flames from blowing out. I had also recommended using a wind proof lighter (but they had really wanted to use some long burning matches they had purchased instead). During the unity candle ceremony, they could not get the matches to light. After two attempts I handed them the lighter I had in my jacket pocket (I thought it would be a good idea to bring it just in case).
- At a wedding ceremony, when the DJ playing the recessional and processional music could not get his equipment to work, I was able to offer a portable player I had in my car (I don’t always carry it with me but I was unfamiliar with their DJ vendor so I brought it just in case).
- For a small wedding along the coast, the bride had decided to do a sand ceremony at the last minute - but had not mentioned it to me. In fact, I found out when the father of the bride brought out 3 vases with different colored sands about 15 minutes prior to the wedding. After making sure the plan was to do a sand ceremony, I found a quiet spot and wrote a sand ceremony for the couple with their child and was able to introduce it into the overall ceremony without any hesitation in the overall flow.
- A couple had decided to read their owns to each other after the traditional “I Do” vows. The groom forgot his but I had a copy that I was able to provide to him.
- At one wedding, we were running behind by about 20 minutes because the brides uncle, who was escorting her down the aisle, was very lost. The bride asked me to call him on his cell and provide turn by turn directions until he arrived (he got there safe and sound!). Another good reason to hire a local officiant for a local wedding (knowledge of the venues, vendors and directions).
- During a recessional, the flower girl (age 5) didn’t know what to do and seemed sad so I took her hand and we walked down the aisle together : )
- During a recent ceremony that had a sand ceremony, I noticed that there was a table for the sand ceremony – but no vases or sand! The wedding planner mentioned we were going to start but I was able to delay the wedding by just a few minutes and the planner and I found the kit and set it up (otherwise, we would have come to an important part of the wedding ceremony and had to skip over it)
- At a wedding at a local golf course, the wedding planner did not show up so I took charge and got all of the guests seated, the groomsmen lined up front and calmed the nerves of the bride (and her father) and had them lined up and coordinated with the music preplanned with the DJ. Everything went off perfectly!
- At a beach wedding, two pedestals had been set up with huge flower vases. Just minutes before everyone was to be lined up for the processional, I realized that there were no flowers! I asked around and found out that the maid of honor was in charge of this task. I found her (she was a bit nervous and was sitting in the front row) and we went to her car together to get the flowers (and the brides bouquet). The two of us arranged the flowers and I got the bouquet to the bride who was waiting in the limo. They looked beautiful!
- Wedding can sometimes be stressful and as a planner / officiant, you need to remain calm no matter the circumstances. Just before a wedding began, I was asked to come to the front row because a member of the family had a medical, perhaps life threatening, emergency. Although I am not a doctor, I was able to calmly assess the situation, had someone call 911 and found two medical specialist (guests) who were better able to make a diagnosis. Thank goodness, the elderly gentleman was okay and based on the wishes of the bride and groom, the wedding continued.
- During an elopement ceremony for a couple with small children (note from the client):
We originally booked with a different agency and well long story short they were unprofessional, I cancelled with them and found Weddings in Monterey, Brian was quick to get back to me, answer all of my questions, he's very kind and very professional. The day of the ceremony he was there early and very nicely dressed and clean cut, the bamboo arch was set up beautifully and my bouquet was exactly what I wanted. When it was time for the photographer to get pictures of just me and my husband my kids were not cooperating (I have a 6yr old and a 2yr old) Brian stayed and played with them so that we can take pictures, that was very sweet of him to do, I highly recommend him! Everything went so perfect.
- For a beach wedding, the wedding planner had brought a microphone for me to use. While testing it, I noticed that it kept going in and out (faulty cord) and that with the wind passing through the microphone, it was better to "strike" the sound system. I was able to project to a group of 80 people on the beach and just 20 feet from the surf. A guest from the last row of chairs came up to me afterwards to thank me for speaking loudly and clearly.
- A wedding at a beautiful, historic place in Monterey, had a four post bamboo arch and decorated with flowers and beautiful draping. I always stand up at the altar long before the wedding begins to make sure everything feels comfortable and looks right. In this case, there were vines hanging down (which would have been in front of the bride and grooms faces) and the drape extended down the middle by several feet (for photography, all of the photos would have had what appeared to be a headless officiant). With the help of the staff, we fixed these issues to make sure the ceremony photos would look just right.
- A couple had hired our wedding company to set up the ceremony and they decided to use their family member to officiate. Just a few days prior to the wedding, their officiant decided he didn't want to do the ceremony after all (nerves), but I was able to put together their ceremony and conduct the wedding. During the first 6 months of 2018, I have had 3 couples hire me last minute due to family members / friends not being able to officiate after all.
- A day of wedding planner was hired for a small wedding at a scenic location on the Monterey Peninsula. When I showed up, the groom mentioned that the planner had not shown up. I stepped in (I arrived about 45 minutes prior) and advised the set up team of how / where to set up the arch and chairs, got the guests seated, spoke with the musician on timing and got everyone lined up for the processional (the planner had an emergency and did make it about 5 minutes prior to the scheduled ceremony time). Everyone was relaxed, happy and we had a wonderful wedding : )
- There is almost no better illustration for having a professional wedding officiant than a wedding that took place at a winery. (1) The DJ was a no show until 5 minutes before the ceremony (2) I always triple check the pronunciation of names before the ceremony and three different people told me to pronounce the grooms name three different ways (3) the groom was in tears before and during the ceremony (4) one of the bridesmaids was also emotional and started shouting in short bursts during the wedding (5) a request for a change in the ceremony was made....3 minutes before the processional began (6) the rings were triple knotted onto the ring pillow and (7) during a ritual that included the participation of one of the guests, he went missing. Despite all of these "hiccups," everything went smoothly and the couple and their guests were very happy : )
- I showed up early to a wedding ceremony at a local park with a custom written ceremony. I always go up to the altar area to envision what it will be like when the wedding is taking place and to make sure there is proper spacing between me, the couple and the front row of chairs. I noticed that (1) where the arch was set up and the couple would need to stand, their feet would be literally on top of the guests in the front row and (2) there was a table with white linen to the left of the arch. I moved the front row of chairs to the back row (creating more space), and asked the groom what they table was for. They had decided the night before to add a sand ceremony -- but didn't tell me. I sat in the front row and from memory, wrote out an entire sand ceremony and then found their kit and set it up for them.
These are just a few examples. Weddings are meant to be a celebration and sometimes things will go wrong. What is most important is that you are professing your love to each other and sharing that love with your guests. One of my jobs is to provide you with a beautiful ceremony, and to minimize any small mishaps that may take place (and keep you stress free).